Back in the saddle again – It's been a bit of a rough time

So my rough time has nothing to do with my horse, that's where all of us riders breath a sigh of relief. We all want our horses to be running at 100% and mine is. Unfortunately I can't say the same for myself. I have thought about weather or not to even mention it on my blog but... I know that reading about others overcoming their hard time has helped me so I decided to share.

I was diagnosed with crohns disease just after I graduated from college. It's one of those auto immune disorders where for some unknown reason your body periodically decides to make life rough, in this case on your digestive system. The good new is that in the 14 years I've had it I've figured out how to manage it and it's pretty much been a non issue, that is till Memorial Day weekend.

While in Montana, visiting my grandpa, I had a flair up that landed me in the ER. Long story short, once they figured out what it was, got me started on prednisone and a limited diet for a while I started to get better. The doctor says this sometimes happens. I've had a good track record and it will probably be another 10 – 15 years before I have another flair up like this, maybe not at all.

It was really hard for me, physically and emotionally. I like to go kind of full bore. Partly because I have a lot on my plate, work, my kids, my horse etc... and partly because that's just kind of who I am. I like to be busy, I like to be working toward something. When I get hit by something hard that keeps me out of the action for a while I struggle. I don't feel like myself and it drives me crazy.

A week after my flair up I was able to take Bunny out for a little ride. That felt good but I didn't really feel up for more and that was frustrating. Timing worked out great because Bunny had some time off after her 80 mile ride so it wasn't like we needed to be working hard and I couldn't.

A few days after that first ride I was feeling better and took her out for a fast 5 miles of conditioning work. We flew, she felt great, I felt great and most of all I felt hope, I was getting back to my old self. I was going to be okay and that felt good.

Then a couple weekends ago (June 7) we did our depletion ride for Sunriver. We did 20 miles in 2 hours and 15 minutes. It was a wonderful ride. We both had a great time just trucking along. It was exactly what I was hoping to do. I'm planning to ride Sunriver at approximately an 8mph speed so I wanted to do my depletion ride at a 9mph speed. I set out on my ride, however, determined not to beat myself up if we didn't end up doing that speed. Life would be okay.

I love having goals and things to work toward and that's part of what I love about endurance. I love the feeling of getting fit myself. Of seeing my horses progress, of setting goals, working toward them and meeting them. Endurance suites me and my personal drive very well.

I'm also striving to come to terms with my being human. Frankly I don't like it. I don't want to have to take it easy, I don't want to struggle. I don't want to face things that are out of my control. Unfortunately, I don't have much choice except what kind of attitude I'll have about it.

I'm working on cutting myself some slack. It's okay to be down for a while and enjoy watching old movies with my kids. It's okay if I'm not super woman, boy would I like to be though.

So, I'm feeling better every day and looking forward to Sunriver and the rest of the season. But most importantly, no matter what happens I want to be able to enjoy life to it's fullest. Not just the high points but to find good things in the low times as well.

In church a few weeks ago the pastor preached a great sermon about brightening the corner where we are. That's how I want to live life in all I do. If life throws me lemons, make lemonade, be kind to myself and try to brighten someone elses day while I'm at it.

I'm also learning to appreciate my body and what it can do for me. Yes, maybe my stomach is a little stretched out after carrying my rather large son, maybe I'm not totally invincible but for the most part I have great health and a strong body and I'm very thankful for that.

So wherever you are at in your ride season I hope you are enjoying it! Maybe I'll see you on the trail.

Today in the mail I got my 250 mile patch 

(AERC endurance miles so only rides that are 50 miles or longer)!